Bitter
by Helgiette Capaki
Summary: From the author that brought you "As Time Goes By" I bring you "Bitter" A tale of Helga when she is 16 with a surprise ending.
1. Bitter - Part 1

Bitter

Disclaimer: Disclaimers suck! Hey Arnold! Is not mine…

Bitter – Part 7 (Finale)

I guess all of this stuff has seemed out of character for Arnold. Well, some of it is, some not. I mean he is a wonderful guy but he has his faults to. He is VERY sympathetic to himself. He will tale sob stories to girl after girl who will just fall in his lap. Dense is another major problem. Still…I guess I'm just angry. Since that fateful event, I've been moping around from show to show. I see him a lot, but he tries as hard as he can to avoid me without being hurtful. I guess it's just me. You confess your undying love for someone and you think that they would talk to you, you know? Ah, don't mind my sarcasm… 

I've been crazy for him for along time but still. I never thought it would be me. In movies and television, whenever one falls for someone, they almost always return the feeling. I wish I was taught better. 

I was always the first for everything. First to hit puberty, first to loose a tooth, etc. Not to say I'm a fast mover, on the contrary. I like to grow up as slow as possible. This just threw me overboard.

I mean, I am such an interior romantic it's crazy. Not like the kind that reads romance novels and cries over every movie. Just a simple "hopeless romantic." One that looks for the little things in life, and is romantic in every sense of the word. But I've had my heart broken too many times. In fact I am fucking SICK of being heartbroken.

So what do I do? I keep my heart under lock and key, with an electric fence around the perimeter, a minefield around that, security guards, and an enclosing pool of piranhas. I just expected that like most men they'd try to bang down the door down. I was wrong. 

You know what he did? 

He fed the piranhas, sweet talked the security guards, tiptoed around the minefield, dug under the electric fence, picked the lock open and melted the steel door down. I've fallen. God, this seems so sad.

Is something wrong with me? Am I so unworthy? I mean…all right, I am somewhat of a 'classroom comedienne.' Maybe that's it, I'm obnoxious. Or, it could be my looks. I never thought much of my looks. I don't act feminine. I mean, I have that side but I don't show it. Oh God, what am I lacking? Tell me, I'll get it. What is his ideal woman? What does he want to fall in love with? I mean I thought that love was the only requirement.

It never occurred to me that someone could fall in love with someone and they wouldn't feel the same. I mean it just never occurred to me. Yes, I knew that relationships didn't work out, but the idea of someone falling in love with someone and the feelings not being returned? What was the sense in that?

Deep down, I know…I don't like to admit it, but I know he feels the same way. He just does, I don't know how to tell you, but he does. I guess he's never going to act on it now. He's just discovered his tiny little rebellion and he doesn't need me tying him down. I guess this is just my punishment for being a hopeless romantic. Also, being a part of the TV generation. 

In the movies, it's usually the guy who falls first, then there's an uninterested and or/unattainable girl who he manages to woo. But when the _girl_ falls? She's obnoxious and pathetic. He? Well, he's amazing and out of her league.

It's just so hard. It hurts like hell. I just don't understand why….agh… I guess it's because of those damned movies and TV again. Raised my hopes up and made me think that true love will always find it's way, and for that I'm bitter. Being a writer, as I sit her writing down my tale to help vent, I am reminded of books as well. True love always finds a way then, why not now? I guess that this is just some sort of cruel joke put upon me. 

You know what? Maybe I'm tired of reality. I mean, why should I deal with it when everything I've grown up with has told me the opposite…Until then I will journey of unto the lands where families are perfect, anything is possible, and true love always finds a way…

Wouldn't it be wonderful?

Thanks everyone for reading! I'm sure you're all wondering, "What's the big surprise ending?" Well, I guess it's lame but the surprise is that this story is a true story. It's _mine_ in fact.

Thank you and I'd appreciate any feedback!


	2. Bitter - Part 2

Bitter

Disclaimer: Hey Arnold! Is a wonderful show that Nick doesn't promote enough. What does that have to do with legalities? Well maybe if the lawyers like me, they won't sue….what are the odds of that….nevermind…

I went on for months admiring him, just like I used to, from afar. He paid a lot more attention to me than usual, yet he still wasn't that concerned. I would sit backstage at performances of the show and place myself on an old set of steps, right in the middle of this blue light that would filter over the sit right to that spot. I sat there looking like some sort of blueberry of destiny. I was just hoping that maybe he might get the idea. He didn't. 

I found out later he had a girlfriend. She was a skinny Asian girl with long black hair. She was very overprotective, I nick-named her the "Chihuahua" because she looked like an overprotective growling dog. She came to every show and followed him everywhere he went. I was incredibly jealous. Of course, I felt ashamed for even wanting to date, it just seemed out of character…I didn't even know what I wanted. I wanted anything that he wanted. My whole perspective changed, if it made him happy, I would be happy.

I stayed up at night telling Phoebe all the events of the day, what he had said to me, etc. She was at another school, but we kept in close contact through phone. She was now going steady with Gerald, which I was very for her. Although, listening about all of the lovers quarrels can get tedious, yet I still love her very much.

I remember one day in class, the our "theater in the round" theater was being torn down to make way for a new one. Arnold just sat there, so stoic, so sensitive to what was going on around him. He hadn't used the theater that much, but he felt all of the memories of that old building being torn away. I was sensitive to this, and I did something I had never done before, give him a gift. 

I went along the building, collecting interesting pieces, I found a cardboard box and some black silk, a fork, a piece of the wall, interesting fabric, etc. I stapled the material around the box and made a collage of pieces from the theater as a memoir. I nervously gave it too him the next day.

He slowly pulled apart the pieces of red ribbon I had used to tie it together, he looked at me with those blue-green eyes. He truly looked touched, he gave me a long, caring hug. He was lucky he held onto me, because if he didn't I would be a puddle on the floor.

I told Phoebe about this later that night.

"Maybe he likes you!" Phoebe said excitedly. I felt angry and yet hopeful.

"What are the odds of that? He has a girlfriend."

"Well, he isn't cheating on her, but he could definitely harbor romantic feelings for you! Believe me, there is plenty of evidence."

I changed the subject, yet this idea did intrigue me. Could he? I awkwardly consulted a few trusting friends who were better versed in this area than I was.

I stared to think about it more realistically.

Maybe.

The next day I found his usual self to be dressed pretty sloppily. I asked him about this, he told me about his parents having to take an emergency flight to Morocco. The boarding houses' occupants had gone on vacation, Arnold had lost his key so there was no way to get in. So he was now (With the permission of his parents) living with his girlfriend. He wasn't that disappointed though, since their relationship had "been going so well."

:::::::::::Thud::::::::

Did you hear that? That was my heart dropping to the bottom of my chest.


	3. Bitter - Part 3

Bitter

Disclaimer: Hey Arnold! Is mine!!! Muhahaha! Okay, sorry…it's not. It belongs to Viacom and Snee-Osh :-p 

Bitter: Part 3

Well, it bothered me greatly that he had a girlfriend. Especially since she was so possessive, but I decided to put my efforts towards becoming friends with him at least. I was surprisingly easy. In drama class every day we had a great time together. We got along great, surprisingly. 

Over the summer I pined for him. Missed him dearly, listened to sad songs. When the school year started up again I found out that he had started a home study class so he could follow his parents when they traveled. I was devastated, but luckily he said he would be following the drama department carefully. 

One night, after the drama club had finished their performance of Little Shop Of Horrors. Arnold had a small party in his room at his house. A small group of kids sat around watching movies and drinking soda. It was getting very late so slowly the kids had started to filter out. Arnold mentioned the idea of a sleepover to everyone, three of the kids left to go get some movies. I figured it would be okay with Ol' Big Bob. Later I figured out that I was terribly wrong. 

While the kids were gone, we talked of all sorts of things. It grew very late and the moon shone through Arnold's skylight. Arnold lay down his blankets…for us to share! I was ecstatic. He put out his arm and let me rest upon it as we lay together watching movies and talking. At one point I said something, I still can't recall...that made him laugh. He gave me a very sweet look. There was an awkward pause. To this day I wish I hadn't looked away. I couldn't believe it! So kind, so caring…Oh my beloved was so kind. Something seemed odd though. All this attention…it was just like the attention he showered on girls he "like-liked." Could it be? I mean is it possible? I really thought he might.

Well, whilst I was so head over heels, I realized I had forgotten to call Big Bob to tell him what the plan was. I was shocked when he was angry as hell and drove over immediately to pick me up. I guess it did look incriminating since the other kids weren't there. Crimeny! I thought that Bob knew me at least a BIT better than that. I guess I was wrong.

I went home crazier in love than I had ever been.


	4. Bitter - Part 4

Bitter

Disclaimer: Hey Arnold! Isn't mine. It belongs to Viacom and Snee-Osh…until 2034 when I will buy it! Muahaha!

Bitter – Part 4

I guess it was inevitable. I had fallen so head-over heels pining for him had turned into something no longer just a part of daily life. It became painful. I would sit in my room listening to sad music while I wrote poetry. I wasn't really sure why, I guess it just comes with the emotions. My motivations weren't really for a relationship, more for just a close friendship that would grow. Of course, I did hope that he returned my feelings. Yet, I had been hurt by so many of the men in my life a relationship scared me. I guess deep down I really did want one though…jeeze. I don't even know what I want anymore.

Well, back on topic. I was currently in my latest non-speaking role in our schools production of Hamlet. He came every night; saw every show, conversed with every actor. He was a very handsome man now and such a kind person. I was naive to think that I would be the only girl to key into that forever. He and his girlfriend were no longer together, so all the girls pounced on him like alley cats desperately on the last apple core.

I grew depressed. At every show I was ecstatic to see him, depressed at all the female attention that would distract him. I tried to compete, at least a little bit. Still, I wasn't that kind of girl. Everyone could tell. I sat preparing my stage makeup while girls would whisper about him, and about me. They all knew.

One night I was at a cast party at Sheena's house. I was wearing my latest "attempt" it was my best dress. I fixed myself up, yet still. I couldn't compete. All the attention had caused me to go into her bedroom, just to prevent myself from crying. Cry? Yes, Helga G. Pataki cries, just like anyone else bucko. Although, I do try to hide it to be strong. There is going to be a lot more crying too, just wait.

He opened the door slowly. I still remember it like it was five minutes ago.

"We have to talk." He looked at me with a very sympathetic look. That look pierced me. He knew. Who told!?!? I was in the mood for blood…then I remembered what was going on. He sat me down on the bed and told me all the reasons why he couldn't date me.

"Was it that obvious?" I asked solemnly. He gave a small nod. I started to become deeply saddened…then it it occurred to me.

"Wait a minute…were you ever interested?" The sympathetic look that I grew to hate crawled upon his face. 

"No, I'm sorry. Not really." He said softly. We talked for a bit longer and he told me about how hard it was for him too, since he knew what it was like to like someone and not get it the feelings returned. No kidding football head, you never do fall for the right one. He gave me a sympathetic hug and went back to the party.


	5. Bitter - Part 5

Bitter

Disclaimer: I'm to tired to write a funny disclaimer.

Bitter – Part 5

I spent that night on the bathroom floor crying ecstatically. I was so crazy I pulled in any of my acquaintances into the bathroom so I could tell them about the just occurrences. It was a sad attempt for me to help myself. I couldn't. At the encouragement of a friend, I went back to the party. She said even though I was in pain, I should go and pretend that I was having a blast just to spite him. I found him kissing another blonde bimbo.

I went home feeling like I was bleeding inside. I was in so much pain, I couldn't cry. I just walked around stoic and depressed, bleeding internally. 

I found out later that that girl had received the same speech from Arnold. Still, it hurt. Over the weeks I tried to reach out to everyone for help. Unfortunately, no one takes teenage love seriously. I would talk to anyone I thought cared. (Doi, was that stupid!) I even told Miriam. Shocker huh? Miriam actually thought that I liked him when she saw me talking to him at high school. She teased me about it. Miriam wasn't that sympathetic thought. She dried my tears, which was quite an event. Yet, didn't offer much advice and what she did I would never use. Plus, she wasn't that well versed in that area. I mean, cripes, she married Bob.

Weeks, even a month or so had gone by. I had walked around sad and depressed. I tried to cheer up by going to our school's lock in/drama festival. It seemed fun enough. Then I went there and I remembered that the drama department disliked me. 'Ah well, I might as well have some fun.' I thought to myself. Of course, another motivation was the fact that Arnold was there. 

I was in for the night of my life.

I had just put down my bags when I heard a large commotion. It was at the kissing booth. I walked over, Arnold had just made his payment for a smooch from one of his close friends. 'He isn't…he couldn't…" He DID.

The night was so eventful I find it hard to recall. Arnold had gone insane, or at least that's what I thought. He kissed 5 girls and flirted with many more. Very out of character. Of course, I should give him more credit. He did have a girlfriend at one point, and a few more. He was a lot more "experienced" than I. I went insane. I pulled friend after friend into the auditorium bathroom to try to feel better by bitching. It didn't work.

Morning came I hadn't slept at all, not even during the 3 AM movie. Arnold decided to kiss someone else during that picture. 

You know, I'm not that kind of girl who would want a part of what Arnold was doing…but he wasn't even tempted!

It was around 6AM. I don't know if it was out of delirium or lack of food. I guess it was that…I couldn't go my whole life knowing "what if."


	6. Bitter - Part 6

Bitter

Disclaimer: Hey Arnold! Is not mine.

Bitter – Part 6

Apparently I was wrong, he wasn't using these girls. Even though it was out of character for him to do that, it wasn't for those girls anyway. They weren't expecting anything. They enjoyed playing around like that. He had committed himself to one girl for so long, he went crazy. He later admitted that and said he did go crazy.

I was talking with a group. The subject of love had come up. Arnold walked in "I so agree, you need to find one love and keep them forever." This burned,

"I need to talk to you." I said to him. I had to wait ½ an hour while he talked to his latest 'conquest.'

We walked outside into the crisp foggy morning. I looked him deeply in the eyes, how could he not know?

"You know don't you?" He nodded. I had to clarify.

"No, not what we talked about at the party…well kind of…" I sputtered out. He crossed his arms.

"No, actually. That I don't know."

This was my big moment. Tears started to well up in my eyes.

"Well..uh…my..augh. My emotions are more…_severe_ than I told you." 

I managed to say it! Well, not the 3 words, but he will get the idea. I did it! Hurah! Wait a minute…his reaction.

A hug. I lost control and I started to cry softly. His arms were so warm and wonderful. He was holding me, but the question was if he could ever be mine.

"Arnold, do you have any idea? I'm Cecile. I've done countless things for you over the years, giving you your hat back when you lost it, the pink book; yes that was mine, Romeo and Juliet? I managed to get all the Juliet's to quit…." I went on with the complete list and I got another hug.

"I suspected it." He said about my newly revealed emotion, "Well, not until recently."

So…what happened? Did we run off together? Start to go "steady"? Did he return the feelings? 

I got the same speech as before. He just didn't "see me that way." Noooo, he just saw EVERYONE ELSE that way…

"What about in the future?" I asked.

"Well in the future, who knows? Maybe we don't see each other for 5 years and then 'bam.' But right now, I don't see anything."

We talked for a little while longer and then he gave me one last long hug and he went inside.


	7. Bitter - Part 7 (Finale)

Bitter

Disclaimer: Disclaimers suck! Hey Arnold! Is not mine…

Bitter – Part 7 (Finale)

I guess all of this stuff has seemed out of character for Arnold. Well, some of it is, some not. I mean he is a wonderful guy but he has his faults to. He is VERY sympathetic to himself. He will tale sob stories to girl after girl who will just fall in his lap. Dense is another major problem. Still…I guess I'm just angry. Since that fateful event, I've been moping around from show to show. I see him a lot, but he tries as hard as he can to avoid me without being hurtful. I guess it's just me. You confess your undying love for someone and you think that they would talk to you, you know? Ah, don't mind my sarcasm… 

I've been crazy for him for along time but still. I never thought it would be me. In movies and television, whenever one falls for someone, they almost always return the feeling. I wish I was taught better. 

I was always the first for everything. First to hit puberty, first to loose a tooth, etc. Not to say I'm a fast mover, on the contrary. I like to grow up as slow as possible. This just threw me overboard.

I mean, I am such an interior romantic it's crazy. Not like the kind that reads romance novels and cries over every movie. Just a simple "hopeless romantic." One that looks for the little things in life, and is romantic in every sense of the word. But I've had my heart broken too many times. In fact I am fucking SICK of being heartbroken.

So what do I do? I keep my heart under lock and key, with an electric fence around the perimeter, a minefield around that, security guards, and an enclosing pool of piranhas. I just expected that like most men they'd try to bang down the door down. I was wrong. 

You know what he did? 

He fed the piranhas, sweet talked the security guards, tiptoed around the minefield, dug under the electric fence, picked the lock open and melted the steel door down. I've fallen. God, this seems so sad.

Is something wrong with me? Am I so unworthy? I mean…all right, I am somewhat of a 'classroom comedienne.' Maybe that's it, I'm obnoxious. Or, it could be my looks. I never thought much of my looks. I don't act feminine. I mean, I have that side but I don't show it. Oh God, what am I lacking? Tell me, I'll get it. What is his ideal woman? What does he want to fall in love with? I mean I thought that love was the only requirement.

It never occurred to me that someone could fall in love with someone and they wouldn't feel the same. I mean it just never occurred to me. Yes, I knew that relationships didn't work out, but the idea of someone falling in love with someone and the feelings not being returned? What was the sense in that?

Deep down, I know…I don't like to admit it, but I know he feels the same way. He just does, I don't know how to tell you, but he does. I guess he's never going to act on it now. He's just discovered his tiny little rebellion and he doesn't need me tying him down. I guess this is just my punishment for being a hopeless romantic. Also, being a part of the TV generation. 

In the movies, it's usually the guy who falls first, then there's an uninterested and or/unattainable girl who he manages to woo. But when the _girl_ falls? She's obnoxious and pathetic. He? Well, he's amazing and out of her league.

It's just so hard. It hurts like hell. I just don't understand why….agh… I guess it's because of those damned movies and TV again. Raised my hopes up and made me think that true love will always find it's way, and for that I'm bitter. Being a writer, as I sit her writing down my tale to help vent, I am reminded of books as well. True love always finds a way then, why not now? I guess that this is just some sort of cruel joke put upon me. 

You know what? Maybe I'm tired of reality. I mean, why should I deal with it when everything I've grown up with has told me the opposite…Until then I will journey of unto the lands where families are perfect, anything is possible, and true love always finds a way…

Wouldn't it be wonderful?

Thanks everyone for reading! I'm sure you're all wondering, "What's the big surprise ending?" Well, I guess it's lame but the surprise is that this story is a true story. It's _mine_ in fact.

Thank you and I'd appreciate any feedback!


End file.
